Behind Door Number 1...

Title: Behind Door Number 1
Author: BlueLight
Rating: NC-17
Disclaimer: The characters in this story belong to Joss Whedon and Mutant Enemy.
Blurb: Spike is dead and Buffy misses him. A lot. Enough to let an innocent die to get him back?
Time and the Story will tell. W/W? W/S? B/S?
Acknowledgement: Hugs and Thanks to Lady Starlight for her beta work.
Distribution: Fine, just let me know where and link back to this page.
Reviews, constructive criticism requested.
Feedback: Please. So I learn what works and what doesn't.

**********************************************

Behind Door Number 1...

Buffy thought of Spike, thought of him holding her and pushing his cock between her legs, thought of him and got wet and could almost feel him touching her, just thinking about it. She thought about it and gritted her teeth. Made herself stop. Reminded herself that Spike was dead and would never touch her again. Never get that look in his eyes, adoration and hunger, half puppy/ half demon, like he wanted to lick her all over and eat her alive from the crotch out, all at the same time.

That was over, Over, OVER!

Damn. She knew she would miss sex with Spike. She knew she would miss him doing things to her. But it was WRONG so she made herself stop. How could she have been so stupid.

Then the idiot had to go and get himself killed. Fool. Saving Dawn. Again.

It was so hard not to be angry with Dawn. It was hard not to blame her sister because Spike had loved Dawn enough to die for her. Dawn crept around the house these days. Did what she was told. Buffy glared at her a lot. Whenever she thought of Spike she glared at Dawn. As a result there was a lot of glaring. Dawn would glance up, see Buffy glaring and wince. They didn't discuss it, pretended it wasn't there. Buffy was trying to overcome her bitterness but missing Spike made that hard.

Buffy approached the Magic Box, stood outside the door calming herself, afraid of what she would find inside. What she found inside all too many days lately.

She made her face relax, made herself smile. She pushed the door and the bell rung and her heart leaped. At the sound two sets of eyes glanced up from two heads pressed together over the laptop computer, communing with the Gods of the Internet.

"Hey Buffy, how are you today?" asked her friend Willow. Cheery as hell. Willow, the architect of her pain. The one who had killed Spike. Willow, whose red hair was nicely styled. Willow, who was wearing tight jeans and a tight leather vest. Willow, who was wearing a thin blouse with a plunging neckline, the neckline making it easy for the figure next her to glance at her cleavage. Willow, who, every day, was more and more affectionate toward the person sitting next to her.

"Hello Buffy, I hope I find you well today," asked the young man next to the redheaded witch. His English accent was cultured, his voice soft, his eyes soft through wire-rimmed glasses, his soft curly hair hanging down over his ears. His face pleasant and gentle and often smiling, often smiling at Willow.

"Hello William," Buffy said, "How is adapting to the 21th Century going?" This was where Buffy had to grit her teeth again to keep from screaming, "WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH SPIKE!! GIVE HIM BACK TO ME!!" Spike's face regarded her with mild interest as Spike's body sat close to Willow, Spike's body touching Willow's body, foot against foot, thigh against thigh, hips, shoulder, arm and hands all lightly touching. All very innocent. Except Willow was flushed and happy looking. And William looked a bit flushed himself.

She had forced Willow to bring Spike back. Forced her. Willow had refused at first, saying her magic was gone, saying she would never practice magic again, that it was wrong to bring back anyone from the dead. She'd learned her lesson. Buffy reminded Willow that Spike had already been dead 122 years, that he doubtless was suffering unimaginable torment in some hell dimension, and that they owed it to him. Buffy didn't mention that she owed the most. She owed him gentleness and soft caresses and holding hands in public, owed him a hundred thousand kisses and a million I-love-you's and she meant to pay

So Willow brought him back. She did the trick and Spike's body appeared before them in the magic circle, naked, perfect, solid flesh. Solid breathing flesh with a beating heart and a living soul that opened up his eyes and looked at Willow, the first thing he saw, and smiled.

It was Willow's fault. She brought him back wrong. She brought him back human. She brought back William.

Buffy sat down at the table. It was piled with books, papers, computer disks and CDs. William turned out to be as bookish as Giles, as brilliant as Willow and, while he first viewed computers with a fascinated horror, he was starting to show a real knack for them. Willow had offered to help him adapt and the two nerds had hit it off almost immediately. Willow and William. It was getting hard to find one of them without the other

"William, how's the memory coming?" Buffy asked, a bit pointedly.

"Still the same. I remember nothing of the demon's life. I remember the vampire you call Drusilla approaching me in an alley, putting some kind of thrall on me so I felt I had no will. I remember her...well..." the Victorian William blushed here, "putting my hand on her ...breast," blushed a furious red, "and offering me something that wasn't quite clear to me, then changing into a monster and biting me."

William understood that life in the 21st century was different but he could barely restrain himself from goggling in shock at every scantily clad female he encountered. They hadn't introduced him to Playboy or porn but his accidental encounter with a Victoria's Secret catalogue, delivered to Anya at the Magic Box, had deeply shaken him. He was beginning to realize that sex wasn't the taboo it had been in the 19th century but he was still a product of his time. Good thing too. Buffy believed that only his Victorian combination of prudery and romanticism had kept him and Willow from falling into nearest bed.

So far.

"I don't remember anything after that until I woke up and saw Miss Rosenberg's lovely face smiling at me." He smiled fondly here and gave a little glance at Willow who caught it in her own.

William remembered nothing of Spike's life, felt no guilt or remorse for anything evil Spike had done. William remembered nothing of Spike's evil and nothing of his good and nothing of loving Buffy. He saw her merely as Willow's friend. William remembered nothing of heaven so he felt no pain at its loss. He was like a Victorian time traveler. Plucked up from 1880's London and sat down in 21st Century Sunnydale with nothing in between. Not even flashing lights.

"Are you ready to go patrolling tonight?" Buffy asked the gentle dork across from her.

William immediately straightened up in his chair, breaking contact with Willow's flesh, "Yes, absolutely! If I am going to be your Watcher I must get field experience. It will be a great honor to accompany you on patrol."

William was already deep into the Council of Watchers. They had been thrilled at his reincarnation (if that was what it was) and even more thrilled when Buffy indicated that she might accept William as her Watcher. They had been chafing for years because she had cut them out of her life. She made it clear that she wouldn't take orders from William or any Watcher but she would allow him to record her activities, her successes and her failures. Thus future Watchers could learn and future Slayers be taught.

There had been a constant stream of visitors from England to teach William a Watcher's duties. He had taken to those duties with a passion and continually plagued her with questions about the Watcherless part of her life. The Council had clearly instructed him to fill in the blanks. She talked to him a lot, trying to catch some glimpse of Spike, but avoided any mention of her vampire lover. Her vampire love? William only knew that there had been a chipped vampire, a vampire using his body, who had worked with them fighting the forces of evil. Buffy was sure that no one had told him anything more. Nothing about Spike's feelings for her. Nothing about their relationship. The Council didn't know. Only Tara had known much and Tara was well and truly dead. Not all the dark magic in the world, all the darkness Willow could summon had brought her back. Only Xander, Anya, Willow, and Dawn knew that Spike had loved her and that they had had been...lovers. She mentally added Riley to that list then added Dru and Harmony as well. What they didn't know they might have guessed.

William was easy with her, unembarrassed, so she knew Willow hadn't told him, Xander hadn't let it slip, Anya hadn't opened her mouth and Dawn felt so guilty she avoided William whenever possible. William didn't have a clue that she knew his body better than he did. Knew just where to squeeze his penis, just when to lick it to drive him crazy, just what patch of flesh to bite to make him moan, when to go fast when to go slow how to tease and torment him until.... she made herself. STOP. THINKING. ABOUT. FUCKING. SPIKE.

William sprang up from the table, excited about the coming evening and began to dig through the chest of weapons Giles had left and that the Council had supplemented.

"What do you think, Buffy? What should I carry? Cross, stake, ax, sword, club..." William juggled them, clearly wanting to carry them all on patrol, just to be prepared. He dropped an axe, almost taking off his toe.

"Just take a cross and stake. I don't really need you to do anything. Just observe."

"But I WANT to help. I've been training. When Mr. Massey-McGill was here he got me started and instructed me on what a Watcher must do to support his Slayer."

His Slayer. Buffy had to grit her teeth again.

His Slayer. She made herself smile and tilted her head back a little so no tear would escape her eyes and sprint down her cheek. She thought of Spike and for the millionth time wondered where Spike was. She was tormented by the idea that the real Spike was being tormented as well, but in a Hell Dimension, that even now he was writhing in pain calling her name. Or maybe instead his demon soul was basking on the sizzling beaches of hell and quite happy about it.

She thought of Spike and for the millionth time she wondered what Spike was. He wasn't William. He wasn't the demon. What was he? What were the elements that made up the creature who had loved her? When she was nine she had found her grandfather's old pocket watch. The back had popped off exposing the mechanism. Fascinated she had taken it apart and then realized in horror that it wasn't a puzzle she could put back together. Looking at William she had that same feeling, that Spike had been a magic mechanism, part William's mind, part William's body, part demon's soul, part 122 years of experience, part Dru's turning, part Angel's tormenting. Something whose assembly was beyond her knowing. And like the watch, beyond repair. Lost forever.

She wondered if she slipped up tonight, if William was accidentally left undefended, if some vampire turned him, would he rise as Spike? If a vampire sired William would Spike's demon soul come rushing back into its familiar abode, bringing its memories and feelings with it? Would a vampire William be Spike? Or just an unchipped vampire, ravenous and vicious and ready to kill.

William continued to prattle on about how he was prepared, how he was able to assist in the fight against the forces of evil. Buffy's lips twisted, wondering if she should encourage him or discourage him. William had had his life, had been dead over a century and if he died again his gentle soul would surely go straight back to heaven. She remembered heaven. It was nice. She needn't feel guilty if William went back there. Vamp!William might be her dream come true. Or her nightmare.

She sighed and got up from her chair and going over to Spi...William, picked out the best axe for him and showed him how to hold it.

"I'm gonna go now. I have some things to do before sunset. William, do you want me to meet you here...or no..just meet me at the cemetery. You know where Spike's old crypt is, don't you? See you there at sunset. Okay?"

Willow had turned in her chair and was watching William's excitement with some unease. "I can't go tonight. I have to eat with my parents. You know I have to have supper with them once a week or they won't keep giving me money to stay in school? And they don't eat till late."

Buffy grimly hid a smile. "That's alright Willow. There will be plenty of other nights when we can all go. Not like you haven't patrolled enough in your life."

"Well...okay. Maybe I can get away a little early and join you a little later," she answered in a troubled voice. Then to William, "Maybe you should wait till tomorrow night. Then we can all go. Buffy and I both can show you the slaying thing."

"No, no. I want to start as soon as I can. I'm sure Buffy can protect me should the necessity arise. Besides, I know you have years of experience fighting vampires but I don't like the idea of you being anywhere near one. I want you safe. Let Buffy and me handle this," William told her with a look of concern.

Then he turned to Buffy and proclaimed excitedly, "Our first night, our first real night as Slayer and Watcher!" William made a showy and adequate swing with the axe he was holding, making the air whistle, then smiled.

Both Buffy and Willow knitted their brows. Willow pleased and troubled that William wanted her safe and troubled and less pleased at the thought of William patrolling alone with Buffy. More than one kind of danger there. She glanced at Buffy, wondering if her suspicions were unfair.

Buffy was gritting her teeth again, "Our first night" ringing in her mind. Thinking of the house she and Spike had brought down. She also noticed his chivalry extended to Willow but not to herself.

William swung his axe again, saying, " Lay on, Macduff, And damn'd be him that first cries, "Hold, enough!" and grinned at her. Buffy couldn't stop herself from grinning back, thinking he was no Spike but he was a sweet guy anyway.

"See you tonight, Watcher," Buffy called out as she left.

"Tonight, Slayer," William answered, making Buffy clench her teeth again.

Behind Door Number 1... Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

Feedback please.