Drusilla's voice dropped to a whisper, "That one knows me. He'd see me coming. I have tried to catch him alone but he's very careful. He only goes out during the day or with the witch or rest of your little coven. I need him trapped, alone. I need him where I can drain him almost dry and make him drink, whether he will or no. I need him unprotected. I need you to lead him to me. Bring him here. Send him down below. Then leave and leave the rest to me. The next evening he'll either come to you as Spike or my dark knight and I will be gone, away from you forever."

"Your voices don't tell you which?"

"They're a muddle. I can't always understand what the pixies say. I shake my hair and they whisper in my ear. I hear them in the sounds of the leaves, in the scampering of mice, in the wind screaming as it drags clouds around the sky."

Buffy knew she wasn't as troubled by Dru's offer as she should be. A vision of Spike rose before her, Spike reaching toward her, lust and adoration in his eyes.

"Bring him to me Slayer. Bring him tomorrow."

"NO! I can't do it, Dru. I want Spike back more than you do but I can't start feeding innocents to vampires to get what I want!"

Drusilla stood swaying as if moved by a breeze only she could feel, making no sign she had heard Buffy's refusal, her head cocked as if listening to one of her unseen voices.

"Bring him tomorrow night Slayer. Send him down into the chamber below. I'll be waiting. Spike is waiting too. Waiting to return."

Drusilla backed away from her and disappeared into the darkness. Buffy didn't follow.

Spike appeared in her mind, a smirk on his face as if he was about to say something annoying. It made her smile to think of how angry he could make her. She missed him so much but she couldn't give William or anyone to a vampire. She was the Slayer. Her happiness wasn't important. And, like Dru said, she'd already lived a long time for a Slayer. She might not be around much longer. The things that had bound her to life seemed almost gone. Her mother dead. Spike dead. Giles gone. She and Dawn distant. Xander and Anya wrapped up in each other. Willow more and more wrapped up in William. The threads that attached her to life seemed stretched to the breaking point.

She would never give William to Dru out of selfishness, never have him hurt just so she could get what she wanted. But Spike... Spike. It hardly seemed fair that Spike, who might have lived a thousand years and more, had ceased to exist. Her life had ended more than once. She wasn't that reluctant for it to end again but it seemed a terrible miscarriage that Spike's blaze should have been smothered. It seemed an even greater wrong that Willow, who in her madness had killed Spike, should profit from it, should get a new lover as penalty for her crime.

A cold bitter wind blew in through the open door of the crypt, making her shiver. She blew out the candles, shut the door and went outside. The clouds were low, rushing over the cemetery as though their cold grayness was trying to engulf the world. She made a quick patrol through the graves, found nothing, then headed for home.

She spent the rest of the night restless, tossing and turning, Spike and William wrestling in her mind and her dreams, first one then the other arguing that he was the one with the right to live. She wondered what Spike would want and thought of him handcuffed, under her body, a look of satisfaction on his face, satisfied that she was using him, using him any way at all. Then she remembered beating him in the alley, him telling her to put it all on him, to go ahead, him trying to stop her from ruining her life. She knew what Spike would want. Spike wanted her, however he could get her. Spike wanted her happy, especially happy with him. Spike would want her to do it. Spike would want to be back in her arms, back in her life, he wouldn't hesitate to tell her to let Dru bring him back.

Sometimes William seemed just a piece of Spike, like somebody who was brain- damaged, half of their mind asleep. Should you let them stay half a person even if that was what they wanted? How could half a person even know what it was like to be whole? William wasn't complete. Dru could fill the empty parts of William, fill them up with Spike. It was what Dru wanted. It was what she wanted. It was surely what Spike wanted. The only person who would vote no was William and that was just one vote out of four. Why should William be allowed to kill Spike, to make him stay dead? William wasn't even supposed to be here. It was Spike that belonged, not the uptight Victorian Watcher.

Then she would get a vision of William - his head resting on his hand, fingers threaded through his curls as he deciphered some ancient text for clues on how to help her, of William - ending a squabble between her and one of the visitors from the Council of Watchers, distracting the official with some arcane nonsense, of William - smiling up at her last night, his face between her breasts. How could she send him to his death?

The next morning she got up late, dark circles around her eyes, stiff as if she had been beaten. She stood before the bathroom mirror, her normally pretty face looking worn and tired, and realized she still had no idea of what to do, of what she should do.

She almost called in sick because she wanted to stay home and talk to Dawn when she came in from school. She wanted to talk to her about Spike. She wanted to hear Dawn say she missed Spike, loved him like a brother, was grateful for his sacrifices, wanted him back. She wanted Dawn to add her voice to the mix, to the cacophony of voices in her head, Spike, William, Dru, herself. She went into work instead, deciding it would be wrong to use Dawn to try to justify William's death.

By the time she finished her workday, she was wracked by guilt. She was disgusted with herself for even considering feeding a living man, a good innocent man, to a vampire and just to raise another vampire. The very idea was sick and for a Slayer to contemplate it proved that she was losing her moral sense, HER soul. She would NEVER do such a thing. Spike was dead just like her mother was dead. That was the end of it. She could mourn him but she couldn't kill to bring him back.

She showered and changed, trying to get to the Magic Box early, planning on some bonding time with William, planning an apology for her attempted seduction and to reassure him she wanted him to remain her Watcher. This was one of the days when Willow had a class till 6:30 PM so she should be able to catch him alone.

She charged into the store smiling, feeling good about herself and her decision. She was going to do the right thing and felt a surge of self- righteousness lifting her mood. Once inside Anya said "Hi" and told her Willow was in the back waiting for her. Buffy wondered why Willow wasn't in class. She strolled into the training room and found the witch sitting on the couch, a book in her lap and several by her side.

Willow smiled up at her, her face glowing with happiness, and she blurted out, "Buffy, guess what? William asked me to marry him!"

~~~~~~~~

Behind Door Number 1... Part 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7

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